Being smart is about more than solving puzzles. Understanding feelings, our own and other people's, helps children learn, make friends and handle setbacks.
What emotional intelligence looks like in children
- Naming feelings: "I'm frustrated", not just "I'm mad".
- Calming down after being upset.
- Noticing how others feel.
- Solving conflicts with words.
- Bouncing back after disappointment.
Emotion coaching: five steps
Psychologist John Gottman described a simple approach many parents find helpful:
- Notice the feeling, even small ones.
- See it as a chance to connect and teach.
- Listen and show you understand.
- Help name the feeling.
- Set limits and solve problems together: all feelings are OK, not all actions are.
Everyday ideas
- Talk about characters' feelings in books and films.
- Share your own feelings simply: "I felt nervous before my meeting."
- Teach calming tools: slow breaths, counting, a quiet corner.
- Praise kindness and helping, not just achievement.
- Role-play tricky situations, like joining a game or saying no.
Feelings and thinking go together
A calm child thinks more clearly. Learning to handle frustration, for example when a puzzle is hard, is part of becoming a good problem solver.
The Smart Kids Club gives children a daily, low-pressure place to practise handling "tricky": 5 puzzles, kind explanations and no public rankings. Grown-ups can read emotional intelligence vs IQ.